Canetoad
The Prodigal Toad
HMaM member of the Month, July 2006
Cry Havoc! And let slip the cats of war.
Posts: 2,868
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Post by Canetoad on Nov 26, 2006 7:17:53 GMT -5
SANTA’S SLAY (MA)
TOUGH to call this one. The opening sequence for fans of splatter comedy (and there are more of us than you might think, heh heh) is an absolute delight. Santa arrives via the chimney in a pile of soot and broken bricks and mortar just as Christmas dinner is getting underway for a family of ugly, dysfunctional and generally unlikeable small-town Americans. Santa then proceeds to slice and dice them with gay abandon. Santa is not really a nice bloke you see. He’s only been forced to be that way for the past thousand years because he lost a bet, and this Christmas the 1000 years is up and it’s mayhem time. Our teenage lead (God don’t you wish we could have a horror movie with grown-ups for a change) lives with his grandfather, who is actually the angel who won the bet a millennium ago, and now Santa wants his revenge. Santa, played by US wrestling star Bill Goldberg, is wonderfully grubby and manic, and his carnivorous reindeer is a hoot. The action is fast paced, but at times falls into the cliché category rather than the spoof category, and the end is something of a let-down… for mine it could have been a damn sight darker. Bottom line though is this is definitely a six-pack and pizza hoot for a stormy summer’s night. Bad Santa was never this bad.
THREE STARS
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Post by GL on Nov 26, 2006 12:41:07 GMT -5
D'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I was gonna start a thread for this one on December 1st in honor of Christmas, but it looks like you beat me too it. I'll just wait to post it then.
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Canetoad
The Prodigal Toad
HMaM member of the Month, July 2006
Cry Havoc! And let slip the cats of war.
Posts: 2,868
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Post by Canetoad on Nov 26, 2006 17:33:35 GMT -5
Post away. Your reviews are far more thorough than mne anyway (which if truth be told are basically what I file for the newspaper's entertainment section, so therefore pretty mainstream).
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Post by GL on Nov 27, 2006 11:54:44 GMT -5
I said December 1st, and that's when I'll post it. You just saved me the time of having to find the cover art for it.
But thanks though. I do try.
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Post by GL on Dec 1, 2006 11:26:34 GMT -5
As promised:
“Santa’s Slay” is one of the more fun holiday themed films around.
**SPOILERS**
On Christmas Eve, Nicholas Yuleson, (Douglas Smith) is visiting his eccentric Grandfather, (Robert Culp) and he tells Nicholas about the true story of Santa Claus, (Bill Goldberg) and why he refuses to celebrate Christmas. When he and his friend Mary Mackenzie, (Emile de Ravin) learns that Santa was the son of the devil who lost a bet and became nice for a thousand years, and now that the bet is over, he’s begun a rampage throughout the town, killing everyone in sight. Finally accepting the crazy story, Nicholas and Mary team up to stop the reign of terror.
The Good News: I was generally not expecting this one to be that good, but it went far beyond what I thought it would be like. The twist here, unlike other holiday slashers, is that this is the real Santa, rather than some lunatic in a Santa costume. In here, it’s actually him, and with Goldberg actually doing a very impressive job in the role, making it campy and fun yet totally believable. He is the main source of enjoyment in this, as seeing a demonic Santa Claus dishing out tons of violence with his zeal is fun to watch. The amount of kills in here is really insane. There’s a large kill count, almost reaching the 3-dozen mark, and plenty of them have a holiday theme to them. A star from a tree thrown into the back, a candy cane shoved into the forehead, a wreath used to strangle, blown up with explosive presents, and fire lights wrapping up a victim. There was a large assortment of non-holiday themed violence, including holding a metal pole kicked into a light post, bashed in the head with a table leg, having a turkey leg shoved in the mouth and shoved into a table, and being pinned to a map using tons of little pins, but clearly the holiday themed ones where he more fun to watch. There’s plenty more to go around, so if one doesn’t strike your flavor, another one will come along soon enough to take it’s place. That is another great factor for it’s success, is that it moves along so fast that it’s already on something else before you have time to dwell on pretty much anything, giving it a whirlwind pace that really suits the film. The action is also pretty nice, giving it a small collection of sequences that stand out and give a little more push over the cliff. The opening slaughter is one of the best examples, as it’s such a blur that it’s only upon thinking afterwards does the true nature of what happened take place. The chase through the forest is the better of the two, becoming a rather traditional action-film chase that keeps the excitement up. There’s plenty more reasons to like this, it’s a really impressive film.
The Bad News: Aside from a really abrupt ending that doesn’t explain anything and a criminal lack of gore on display, the only thing that can really knock this down is it’s cheesy, fun atmosphere. It’s not for everyone, and is a real acquired taste to enjoy fully.
The Final Verdict: Full of holiday cheer, dead bodies and a fun, re-watchable spirit, this is going to be a Christmas classic. The only ones that I can’t see recommending this one to is those that don’t get the joke. Highly recommended.
Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language and Nudity
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Canetoad
The Prodigal Toad
HMaM member of the Month, July 2006
Cry Havoc! And let slip the cats of war.
Posts: 2,868
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Post by Canetoad on Dec 2, 2006 23:57:46 GMT -5
As per usual, you far outclass me in terms of the definitive review. Good job GL - and I agree with your conclusions.
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Post by GL on Dec 3, 2006 11:01:42 GMT -5
While I'd hardly call that a definitive review of the film (there's some online reviews I've read of it that takes upwards of half an hour to read) thanks Toad.
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Canetoad
The Prodigal Toad
HMaM member of the Month, July 2006
Cry Havoc! And let slip the cats of war.
Posts: 2,868
|
Post by Canetoad on Dec 3, 2006 23:23:56 GMT -5
Definitive does not have to mean long.
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Post by GL on Dec 4, 2006 10:45:38 GMT -5
Well, I meant that it goes so deep into the film that practically every scene is analyized to death. That's why it took so long, but that's irrelevant. Glad you enjoyed it.
You think it could be an anual holiday viewing for horror fans tired of It's A Wonderful Life?
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Conan
DWI/Evil Dead Moderator
Pennywise
Posts: 6,432
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Post by Conan on Dec 11, 2006 9:28:03 GMT -5
I ain't got to watch this one yet, but I am a huge wrestling fan so I will get it someday. Nice review.
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Post by GL on Dec 11, 2006 11:08:31 GMT -5
There's very little wrestling involved here, he pretty much kills them before getting them into a fight. The only thing remotely close is a spear to one person, who quickly gets killed afterward.
But thanks anyway.
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Post by GL on Feb 27, 2007 11:32:42 GMT -5
Hey, enough of this shit! Log in and become a member or don't waste our time posting spam links no one wants to read.
This is the reason why prowlers shouldn't be able to post at all. It should be a priviledge for us who have joined.
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Post by Jen on Feb 27, 2007 11:57:16 GMT -5
I agree that only members of the board should be able to post. This is annoying, and disruptive.
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HNT
Grizzled HMaM Vet
Horror in General & Everything Else Moderator[/i]
Kiss my tuchis
Posts: 6,296
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Post by HNT on Feb 27, 2007 16:55:15 GMT -5
I have to third that motion. BTW, how has everyone else posting here missed the irony of Bill GOLDBERG the first Jewish Santa Claus, lol
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